I am currently 20 years old and this 2018 will be turning 21. To be honest, when I was 13/14 years old I didn’t think I would become the person I am today.
Back in 8th grade and above, I suffered bullying by every male classmate I had, and even from outside my class. They would pick on me about everything I did every single day with no reason, and got to the point when I decided to go boarding school in a different country for a while, as these comments and actions did really affect me and made me cry almost every Sunday when I thought about going back to school the following day. I had my whole family worrying about me and it makes me sad to think they also suffered my pain and how it weakened me and upset me more and more.
I remember one of the worst experience I had was when they pushed me to the ground and tried to cut my ponytail (as I always wore my hair that way) they decided they had the right to decide over my hair in such cruel way. I remember 8 or so boys trying so bad to get it out, trying even with scissors. Seems incredible now that I’m writing this and I’m getting a bit upset because I just wish I had had the strength I have now to tell them to stop, to tell them what they were doing was simply and obviously wrong.
I look back now and I know these kids picked me to tease because I wasn’t able to defend myself, as I was not only phisically small and weak, but also mentally. However, that didn’t give them the right to do so.
After I came back from my boarding experience, some of these people stopped being so mean and one even apologized and tried to be my friend. The rest of then I truly hope they have changed slightly, although deep down I feel some of them were never that mean, they were just acting their age and not thinking too much about their actions, never truly understanding the real damage they could create.
Now, I am sitting here, remembering all these battles I had for almost 3 years, and how I honestly thought I would just be stuck there, with the memories, the trauma, and every bad thing forever. I was going to be that broken person forever, and that it wouldn’t get better.
I would just look at my reflection in a mirror and I couldn’t stand it. I repelled myself, I didn’t think I was neither capable nor enough. I felt ugly, tiny, depressed and even pathetic.
But luckily, it did get better. SO much better. I started university and began to feel valuable. Of course, it didn’t happen from one day to the other, but after a couple more awakenings by hard, I decided I was going to improve my self-esteem and self-love. And so I did. This past 2017 has been one of the best years of my life. I’ve for the first time in my life felt completely beautiful, valuable and even special.
Luckily for me, I don’t think as much as I did on my experiences at school to stop me and get me sad, I have almost forgotten and left back all that weight.
I know for a fact that what happened to me was a matter of luck or a series of obstacles for me to prepare for real life. But truth is, life isn’t that bad now as it used to be.
I am so happy now, and grateful that I have been able to see myself just exactly the way I am, and always was.
For the boys that bullied me, I even feel pity for them because they really did have to bring me down to get their self-esteem up, because, honestly, they are all so pathetic and disgusting. I look at them and seriously feel bad for them. They never were shit, and I just hope they are now at least, decent human beings, as we should all be.
For this year 2018, my goal is to even believe more in myself and become the bestest version of myself I can. And my hope is to end bullying in every school all around the world.
Even if it does get better, people should lift other people, whatever their race, age, size, personality, religion, or sex. It’s just so easy to be a nice person. So be.